I'm looking into the mirror,
And I'm hoping God doesn't look like this
If God is love,
Then God should love himself enough not to look like this
The person I'm seeing in that mirror has a skin called self-hate
It's moisturized by anxiety and fear
She'd like to see her bones but now she has to, not only touch but also press her skin to feel them

She's got buggy shorts and big t-shirts on most times just to hide
To keep everyone from staring but that's all they ever do...

Let's talk about me,
I once wrote a poem on weight at the age of 19 and in it honestly asked if it's something I need to talk about cause it didn't affect me
Four years after,
I'm taking back my words
They are more than I can chew
Tells you why I have a double chin
There's just a lot to chew at a go

I eat with insecurities
I quit having lunch and nothing about my body mass and weight changed
I reduced my dinner and gained more weight
I sleep hoping I'll wake up smaller
I hit the gym and on my way home people I meet keep reminding me that I'm only getting bigger

I eat with insecurities
There's are bullies in my mind screaming "Calories" "Calories"
And some saying "You look six years older"

I'm looking at the person in the mirror
I'm hoping my creator doesn't look like this

I hate to think this is a heavy poem
The word heavy gives me PTSD
Reason why I like to have light moments I guess

It is a trigger

One that reminds me of the big belly

the 10 centimeter scar

Lord it sometimes hurts and reminds me if the tiring days

The days I was an acting like a snipper -Forever hiding-

I want to enjoy the sun… the sky…

I want to find joy by looking into the mirror

I want to be proud if who it is I see

--

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