Qui Qarre

Every 'letter to my daughter or son' is a letter of love
I don’t know what to write to you
I don’t know what to say...
How am I supposed to love you when I don’t love myself in the first place?
How can I be so broken yet bring forth life?

My letter is one full of fear
fear of the things I may not be able to do
fear of predicted failures
My choices put me here

I'm afraid of failing to fit in
I'm afraid of womanhood and motherhood
I'm afraid of everything that has to do with you
I'm afraid of having you
I'm scared!
It's already too late to think twice
and... I'm scared I don't have the strength to be here

I am afraid...

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I thought I hid behind a mask
Covered my body with baggy clothes to make sure people don't see me
till we met

He said hi
Then said, "I almost ignored you. I can't believe you are this big."

After a million attempts to cover up,
to hide
to avoid the mean comments,
They can still see me

I forgot something.
I had a big mask
Tells you the size of my cheeks before I take it off...
Same thing with a big short
The size of it shows how big your waist has grown

Sad

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I can only go so far without your help
When I hit the road I’m motivated
Until I notice that I’ll get drained without your help

Teach me to slow it down
Teach me to love you
Remind me of your grace when I start feeling like it’s my fan base that is keeping me at the top

Teach me about your love when I forget

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I fell in love with the source of my insecurities
so deeply in love and I’m afraid I can’t get myself out
It’s the fear,
the fear of failing to live without them that makes me feel trapped.
The good thing about them is that I’m comfortable with them,
We know each other
We just have a way in which we co-exist without killing each other never mind our feet are forever swollen
We keep hurting each other.

They give me warmth plus comfort
With them I can be insecure and real

At the end of the day,
I’m trapped
I’ve been looking for a way out for years
Sadly I lost myself
It’s frustrating to keep thinking that I can’t survive if I leave this cell
I became accustomed to it’s warmth and the environment
Sometimes I feel like this cell is enough space...for me

I'm trapped.

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